Are you better now?
Hi, I'm Michael, and I'm a stroke survivor.
One of the most common questions I get when people ask about my stroke or comment on my appearance is, “Are you better now?” or the statement, “Thankfully, you’re better now.” This phrase always stumps me because I’m never sure how to respond to it.
The physical change
Having a stroke isn’t like having the flu. You don’t simply “get better,” meaning you don’t return to how you were before the stroke. A stroke, or Cerebrovascular Accident (CVA), occurs when a clot restricts blood flow to a specific area of the brain. Unless that clot is successfully removed within three to four hours, the affected area of the brain dies. So, there’s no “getting better” in the traditional sense — you’re left with a dead patch in your brain, and that results in physical changes in your body.
The miracle of the brain
Fortunately, the brain has an incredible ability to repair itself and rebuild neural pathways that were lost when the stroke occurred. In my case, two major functions were affected: my speech and the fine motor skills in my right hand. I’ve had to relearn how to speak, and though I’m working on regaining my Newcastle accent, I still sound European. At the same time, I carry a marble in my pocket, rolling it around in my right hand to improve control and dexterity.
The great unknown
While the brain works on rebuilding neural pathways for essential functions like speech and hand movement, more subtle changes are happening beneath the surface. Cognitive shifts, changes in personality, emotional reactions, and even patience can be affected. Every stroke survivor experiences these changes differently, but some are common. For example, I am an extrovert, but now I struggle to tolerate noisy rooms filled with people. After a while, I feel the need to escape — a stark contrast to the person I was before the stroke.
So when you do ask
Please don’t talk about a stroke as if it were like the flu. The person you’re speaking to is likely on a long journey of rehabilitation, which may include speech therapy, occupational therapy, counselling and more. They are now navigating life with a disability and are grappling with what that means for their relationships, work and everyday living. They’re trying to understand the changes in their brain, which often lead to heightened stress and anxiety. They are far from “better.” So, please don’t trivialise their experience.
That being said, they are doing their best and are determined to move forward. They’re learning to do the things they once did, just in different ways. So, recognise the journey they’re on, and understand that it’s a lifelong one. Support them along the way — they’ll appreciate your effort.